What Does Selflessness Look Like?
Today You, Tomorrow Me
A Story About The Mentality That All Good People, Players and Teams Have
Just about every time I see someone stopped on the side of the road, I kind of got in the habit in the last couple of years (moved to a big city and all that, my mom wasn’t too stoked on the practice) to just continue driving past them. Then some shit happened to me that changed me and I am back to offering rides habitually. If you would indulge me…
This past year I have had 3 instances of car trouble. A blow out on a freeway, a bunch of blown fuses and an out of gas situation. All of them were while driving other people’s cars — which for some reason, makes it much worse on an emotional level. It makes it worse on a practical level as well, what with the fact that I carry things like a jack and extra fuses in my car, and know enough not to park, facing downhill, on a steep incline with less than a gallon of fuel…
Anyway, each of these times this shit happened I was DISGUSTED with how people would not bother to help me. I spent hours on the side of the freeway waiting, watching roadside assistance vehicles blow past me, for AAA to show. The four gas stations I asked for a gas can at told me that they couldn’t loan them out “for my safety” but I could buy a really shitty 1-gallon one with no cap for $15. It was enough, each time, to make you say stuff like “This country is going to hell in a handbasket!”
But one of those times someone did come to my rescue. He didn’t speak a lick of english. He was from Mexico. But that dude had a profound effect on me.
He was the guy that stopped to help me with a blow out with his whole family of 6 in tow. I was on the side of the road for close to 4 hours. Big jeep, blown rear tire, had a spare but no jack. I had signs in the windows of the car, big signs that said NEED A JACK and offered money. No dice. Right as I am about to give up and just hitch hike out of there, a van pulls over and this dude hops out. Without verbal communication being possible, he sizes the situation up and calls for his youngest daughter who does speak english to come out of the car. He conveys through her that he has a jack but it is too small for the Jeep so we will need to brace it. He produces a saw from the van and cuts a log out of a downed tree on the side of the road. We rolled it over, put his jack on top, and bam, back in business.
I start taking the wheel off and, if you can believe it, I broke his tire iron! SMH. It was one of those collapsible ones and I wasn’t careful and I snapped the head I needed clean off. Fuck Me.
No worries, this guy was unflappable — he runs to the van, gives it to his wife and she is gone in a flash, down the road to buy a tire iron.
She is back in 15 minutes, we finish the job with a little sweat and cussing (stupid log was starting to give), and I am a very happy man.
We are both filthy and sweaty when the wife produces a large water jug for us to wash our hands in. I tried to put a 20 in the man’s hand but he wouldn’t take it ,so I instead gave it to his wife as quietly as I could.
I thanked them up one side and down the other. I asked the little girl where they lived, thinking maybe I could send them a gift for being so awesome. She says they live in Mexico. They are here so “Mommy and daddy can pick fruits for the next few weeks. After this we are going to pick cherries to sell, and then go back home.” I can translate that one, they’re here for work. A part time job.
The guy signals her daughter and she then asks if I have had lunch, and when I told her no she gave me a tamale from their cooler, the best fucking tamale I have ever had.
So, to clarify, a family that is undoubtedly poorer than you, me, and just about everyone else on that stretch of road, working on a seasonal basis where time is money, took an hour or two out of their day to help some strange dude on the side of the road when people in tow trucks were just passing me by.
Wow... I still get chills.
But we aren’t done yet. I thank them again and walk back to my car and open the foil on the tamale cause I am starving at this point, and what do I find inside? My fucking $20 bill!
I whirl around and run up to the van and the guy rolls his window down. He sees the $20 in my hand and just shaking his head no like he won’t take it.
All I can think to say is “Por Favor! Por Favor! Por Favor!” with my hands out.
This dude just smiles, shakes his head — and with what looked like great concentration, tried his hardest to speak to me in English:
“Today you.... Tomorrow me.”
Rolled up his window, drove away, his daughter waving to me in the rear view. I sat in my car eating the best fucking tamale of all time and I just cried. Like a little girl. It had been a rough year and nothing has broke my way. This blessing was so out of left field I just couldn’t handle my emotions.
In the 5 months since I have changed a couple of tires, given a few rides to gas stations and, once, went 50 miles out of my way to get a graduate student to an airport. I won’t accept money. Every time I tell them the same thing when I drop them off:
“Today you.... tomorrow me.”
The Lesson - If you help someone get what they need, you will eventually get what you need. Don’t let today be about you, let that be tomorrow’s business. Don’t worry about yourself, carry your water and commit yourself to helping your teammate/friend/stranger carry their water when they’re struggling. Don’t expect anything in return. If everyone in a group has this mindset, you’ll accomplish way more than you could without it.
Every team/company/group/country/species are just a collection of individuals who have experienced something like car troubles before. But remember, we can all get where we want to go, if we aren’t JUST a passerby.
Be Selfless.
“Today You, Tomorrow Me.”
Keep Evolving!